I started blogging at Annotated Everything September 2006, which feels like a lifetime ago. 8 years later.
I was blogging heavily during my first year of PhD work because my life was so weird at the time, and I felt the need to catalog the changes. I am embarrassed of everything I’ve ever written, so I’ll leave the archives for the lonely dirt-diggers. I already lived it once. I’m fully searchable.
I was sick yesterday, so I rode it out (like I always have) on the couch. Alone and feverish, I caught myself trying to decide if I’ve changed at all, or if I’ve always been this way. I saw some embarrassing photos of myself in a tribute/memory video of my Papa (miss you). I must have thought I looked ok back then, but I looked like shit. Maybe I still do. But when I look at those images, and even think about this blog, I go “what the hell was I thinking.” Holding my own. Barely.
I remember, in that first year of PhD life where I went to the mall with Annette and Mark and we made a pact not to sell out and to become something bigger, when the truth was that I couldn’t wait to sell out. I wonder if they remember that day and if they ever think of me like I do them. I actually wonder that about most people I knew in other lives, and assume (probably correctly 9/10 times) that if they do think of me it comes pre-loaded with a “fuck that guy.” A deserved “fuck that guy” probably.
Oh well. Miss you anyway.