Slagging Off – a how to guide

Congratulations, your band or musical project just won the band lottery and we just made fun of you. How should you respond? What does it mean? WHAT NOW?

Don’t panic. Ultimately, it isn’t going to matter. This is just a generic tumblr, and we are just unfunny dudes with our own shitty bands, so you don’t need to worry too much. Really.

Our tastes are subjective – rest easy with the knowledge that our bands are way worse than your bands, you have more likes on facebook, and that you are DOING THE RIGHT THING and are ABOVE CRITIQUE in any form. 

Besides – how is someone saying “you suck” critique at all? Isn’t all critique supposed to appear in essay length analysis unpacking every aspect of the music and the recording?

There is no reason to change anything! If we made fun of you, it is because we are (a) jaded (b) hipsters (c) talentless (d) losers with (e) nothing better to do.

Here are some suggestions:

1) Write a series of tweets that allows your GROWING FANBASE to see you as a vulnerable musician who are unable to handle even the smallest slight. Again, remind us that our own music sucks. The more you get worked into a lather about it, the better to whip your fanbase into action. It will make you look really good.

2) Physical violence: These aren’t just words, kick someone’s ass!

3) Remind everyone that taste is subjective and that the only valid words about your music are (a) positive/ encouraging and (b) come from monk-like music writers who live in a subjectivity-vacuum who have no real ties to the real world. Music writers should be unable to play even a simple c-chord (TASTE IS SUBJECTIVE!) on a guitar because any inside knowledge is damaging and may influence/taint them from having valid opinions. No music writer with an opinion should ever set foot on a stage, period.

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