1. Rhianna – love how the top choice at Canadian Music Week is American pop star Rhianna. “Like, duh.”
2. CHVRCHES – This sums up Canadian music writing nicely – number two pick is a Scottish electro-pop group who have released three singles to the “music blogosphere.” CHVRCHES sound like TaTu.
3. Raekwon – We’re down with the WU, but the third choice of Canadian Music Week is… not a Canadian. Sweet. How many good rappers are there in Toronto right now? Also, in this list of 30 “top shows” there are no local rappers. Zero
4. Heart – FRESHHHHH
5. Metric – The only Canadian band in the top five here, and it’s fucking Metric, basically the biggest “indie” band in Canada that’s not the fucking Arcade Fire. It’s sickening how much money Metric gets from FACTOR, BTW.
6. Mac Demarco and Cousins – If the writers at Blog.To took this list seriously at all, this would be number one. Here are two of the hardest working bands in Canada who are still searching for a wider audience, who have momentum (etc etc). Too bad Parts & Labour has the worst sound of any room in Toronto and fits 20 people.
7. Nick Cave – Hey, Aussie superstar Nick Cave is playing a sold-out show at Massey Hall! CMW! WOOO!!!
8. Cousin – We already made fun of this Niagara Falls band and told them they have to give up their name because they sound EXACTLY like Pavement. Like a tribute band or something. “Hey, you guys like Pavement?” is probably how they open every set.
9. Rock Forrest from Montreal. “Basically, we randomly chose something that kind of sounds like Vampire Weekend, maybe it will be good. We don’t know. We are just plugging “the little guy.”
10. Outlaws & Gunslingers Showcase – a can’t miss for anyone who is interested in roots/country. NEXT.
11. Crunchy Frog Label showcase – Radio3core, ft the lovely (re: safe/dull) Rococode.
12. Wildlife (Toronto, ON) – aka Wolf Parade jr. Thanks, but no thanks, I think we all had our Wolf Parade fill ten years ago.
13. Teenage Kicks (Toronto, ON). This band pisses me off, because “hey, Teenage Kicks is such a great song, I bet I would love this band!” and then I hear it and I DON’T love this band at all because it sounds like car commercial music. Plus, their BIO starts with the following “The last decade has been curiously absent of a few things – loud guitars, slamming drums, and powerful front-men.” What the are they even talking about? Have they never heard of Fucked Up, from TORONTO, who won the fucking Polaris Prize a couple years ago, a band that has THREE FUCKING GUITAR PLAYERS, all killing it, and a giant MAN BEAR front man? Bands, don’t be dumb like this!! THINK!!!!!! Fuck.
14. Bend SInister (Victoria, BC) – I can’t remember what I wrote about these guys a few weeks ago, other than, “oh, this band is still doing that, huh…”
15. Cai.ro (Toronto, ON) – I wrote that they reminded me of the Tim Horton’s colour scheme: beige on beige. That was pretty funny hey? Also, true.
16. Legato Vipers (Torono, ON) – we love this band: Legato Vipers put on a killer show, they are doing something fresh, there are surprises (we LOVE surprises). Go see them.
17. The Besnard Lakes (Montreal, QU). Really, this band again? So BORING. We once found ourselves at a Besnard Lakes concert and had, like, the best nap of all time.
18. Iceland Airwaves Showcase – don’t care.
19. SiriusXM Indies: 13th Annual Independent Music Awards – wonder how many awards Metric are gonna get for their “synergy” that they have with Sirius? This has about much artistic credential as Mountain Dew hosting an indie awards show. Except I would actually go to that awards show, because hey, free Mountain Dew probably.
20. Cookie Duster – sucks.
21. The Wilderness of Manitoba (Toronto, ON). I don’t listen to adult contemporary music made by young people, and neither should you.
22. Limblifter (Vancouver, BC) – we didn’t care about Limblifter in 1995, and we sure as hell aren’t going to care about LImblifter in 2013.
23. Shout Out! Out! Out! (Edmonton, AB) – “You guys like 2004?”
24. Cellphone (Toronto, ON) – been told we missed the boat on Cellphone in our review last week. I said “Terrible synth punk that you will not enjoy” when probably what I should have said was “mediocre synth punk that you will not enjoy.” They probably aren’t terrible, and we admittedly going off bandcamp recordings. Will probably check them out live, but I just think that bands should just limit themselves to doing the millionth iteration of stuff that has been done already a million times. They remind me of The Spits, but then I think that there is already a Spits, you know? And am I going to put on a Cellphone tape or SPITS IV? SPITS IV every time.
25. Heidi Happy (Switzerland) – don’t care. Canada already has a million bands that sound like this.
26. oOoOO (USA) – some dude responsible for the awful Witch-House thing from a few years ago. Yes, it has come to this.
27. Sinclare (Toronto, ON) – We didn’t care about Sinclare in 1998, we sure as hell aren’t going to care about them in 2013. It is impossible to feel nostalgic for something that was never good in the first place.
28. Lioness (Toronto, ON) – what was that Toronto band from 2004 that sounded exactly like Lioness? I just remember that they were awful too, but I can’t remember their name.
29. Silent Shout Showcase – If their showcase is as dull as their blog, then you couldn’t pay me to show up at this. Doom Squad are funny though.
30. Light Asylum (Brooklyn, NY) – I like how Blog.To picks this but then says you should go to oOoOO instead. About sums this whole list up really.