CNN vs. Britney Spears (BREAKING NEWS!!!!)

So I was just watching CNN (rather, CNN was on), and I just heard them say as they were going to commercial break:

Male annoucer: “We have more to come on the latest on Britney Spears.”

Female announcer: “Yep. She shaved her head.”

Male announcer: “We’ll be following it all day.”

I’ll keep you updated.

Update #1: Not only did Spears go bald, she also got some tattoos.

Update #2: Male Announcer: “This latest development will not be keeping her out of the tabloids.” Or, apparentluy, CNN.

Update#3: Link

Update #4: Anna Nicole Smith is being embalmed “as we speak…” YES!

Update #5: Male announcer: “Yes. That is Brittney Spears. More to come!” (can’t wait!)

Update #6: I got bored and waded into the cesspool (aka: Perez Hilton): (THIS IS COPY PASTED AKA STOLEN)

She wasn’t making sense at all and you could tell she’s not in a good place at all, and that she is totally freaking out,” reveals Emily Wynne-Hughes, an employee at Body & Soul, the Sherman Oaks tattoo parlor where Britney got a black-white-and-pink cross tattooed on her lower hip and red-and-pink lips on her wrist.

Hughes tells Us Weekly, “She was a nightmare to deal with. She was screaming and flipping out from the pain and wiggling her body all around.”

At one point during Britney’s one-hour visit, Hughes asked Britney why there was a pink stain on her fluffy white handbag and Britney said she had “spilled Nyquil all over it.”

Spears is unraveling before our very eyes!

Earlier that night, Britney brazenly shaved off all her hair.

When asked why she shaved her head, Hughes says Britney replied, “I don’t want anyone touching me. I’m tired of everybody touching me.”

Everyone at the tattoo parlor was shocked by Spears bizarre behavior.

Hughes, who was appalled and concerned by what she saw, adds, “After she left the shop we all just looked around and said to each other, ‘We just saw a huge celebrity on the verge of a nervous breakdown.'”

We hope her family does the right thing.

Britney needs some SERIOUS help right now!

What’s a visit to Peez without one of his pics? Taste to follow:

Update #7: Unrelated

Update #8: Male CNN Announcer: “New concerns about how Spears is doing” “Spears was quote ‘flipping out'” “No current status on how she is doing today.”

Update #9:  Female CNN Announcer: “Coming up: Britney’s new look… hot or not?”

Update #10: Female CNN Announcer: “Ooops… She did it again!”

An interview with Female announcer and some dirtbag from US weekly:

Dirtbag: She flew coach from Miami to LA, went to get her hair shaved, the hairstylist refused, and she picked up the clippers and SHAVED IT HERSELF. She was incoherent.

FA: Was she in rehab?

DB: Yes. There are reports she was in rehab for one day.

FA: Is this a cry for help or is it self clensing? Is this a way of starting new?

DB: It certainly looks like a cry for help.

Update #11: “From Brittney Spears to Brittney Shears.”

Update #12: “20,000 voted on our online poll of wether this new look is hot or not. An overwhelming majority of viewers think that it is not hot.”

On that note, I am out.

7 thoughts on “CNN vs. Britney Spears (BREAKING NEWS!!!!)

  1. I’m in AZ, USA right now, and if you think that’s big in Canada, you should HEAR the buzz here: wow. Celebrity culture is seriously exacerbated down here. I now truly understand the success of publications like ‘US Weekly’ and ‘People.’

  2. Britney made a huge mistake. I think it was a horrible idea for her to shave her head. I don’t know how this will help with a come back. She makes great music, but honestly, no one is going to buy her albums (especially guys) with her looking like that. I’m sure there are better ways to mourn the loss of k-fed. Tbhough, at the same time it is her life, so I guess if she likes looking that way then maybe we should be less critical.

  3. Some people look good bald and some do not. This is a case of do not – who would have thought she had such a lumpy head? Poor girl…

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