Hannibal: Rising

Hannibal: Rising might be the worst movie I have ever seen. I don’t feel the need to qualify that in any way.

Yes I have seen plenty of bad movies. For me, right now, this is the top of the heap. Hopefully I forget about it in time for the next worst movie that I have ever seen (which, interestingly I have yet to see…)

What sets a movie likeHannibal: Rising apart is that it was trying (so hard) to be a “good” movie. Too bad that no one bothered to read the script. The movie was laugh out loud funny whenever anyone spoke. My favourite line (by far): “There are just no words to describe him… he’s a monster!” Many others. . . (while carving a giant M on a guys chest with a samurai sword): “M is for Mischa!!”Also, every time someone said his name “His name…. is…. HANNIBAL LECTOR!!!!”


Air hockey afterwards was fun. I am terrible at Air Hockey / life.

3 thoughts on “Hannibal: Rising

  1. My worst is Portrait of a Lady with Nicole Kidman and John Malkovich. While I can’t remember anything about the plot, I do remember watching the ENTIRE movie crying. And I have to agree, that movies are just that much worse when they’re trying to be good.

  2. As was pointed out to me, the “M is for Mischa” line was in reference to when they were little kids. Don’t you remember at the beginning when they were using a stick to spell out their names? Geez, Qmass, don’t you understand symbolism when it is smacked in your face??

    My opinion: Better than Joe Vs. The Volcanoe

    Also, it could have had more gore. Although, your flinching early on in the movie, when H was getting stitches in his thumb, was a bit much…..

  3. What about Goju?

    That whole full-grown man splurting out of a woman’s vagina, and that guy’s soup ladle fetish, plus pretty much every scene in the movie (what’s with Miike’s (?) lactation fixation?) puts it near the top for me. Right near the third film in the Cremaster cycle.

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