Everything you wanted to know about Anna Nicole Smith’s passing, shamlessly copied and pasted from Best Week Ever
“A commentator on CNN said a few hours after her death that “This is certainly an unexpected and very tragic turn of events for Anna Nicole Smith.” Unfortunately, that was both true and also not in any sense accurate.”
I DIDN’T WRITE ANY OF THIS:COUNTDOWN: How long until Trimspa hires a new face for the brand and takes down their Before and After Fat-skinny pics of Anna Nicole Smith? We say at least 2 days. (Update: They’ve added a statement.) (Trimspa)
COUNTDOWN, PART 2: How long until a website compiles a photo gallery of Anna Nicole images, from her short-lives classy phase to her MTV pasties over her nips phase? Answer: It already exists. (TMZ)
SAD PUPPY: Know that you’re not alone… Dora understands. (Flickr)
ANTI-SENTIMENTALS, CLICK HERE: For those of you whose hearts have turned to stone, enjoy this obituary, written from the P.O.V. of an a**hole. (Gawker)
PALETTE CLEANSER: You’re already drinking a 40, aren’t you? (Youtube)
NOTE TO LINDSAY, PARIS, BRITNEY & NICOLE: If ever you were going to do some seriously insane sh*t, tonight’s the night. Wear a monokini, smoke crack at Hyde, take Sean Preston to Flashdancers, and delouse yourself in cocaine… because tonight, nobody cares.
As soon as we heard the bad news about Anna Nicole, we immediately wondered which media outlet would provide us with the most brazenly tasteless coverage of her passing. We thought it was gonna be Perez, but the fine folks over at Splash News have stepped up and claimed this prize for themselves with their disgusting promises of footage of Anna Nicole’s lifeless body having CPR administered in the moments leading up to her death. So remember, kids – Splash News is your #1 source for exclusive snuff film footage! Classy!
All of today’s sadness aside, watching CNN’s breathless Anna Nicole coverage – including Wolf Blitzer practically moved to tears by the Playmate’s passing – is both bizarre and hilarious. Here’s the big over-indulgent press conference in which reporters ask official police types a bunch of questions that aren’t really answered. We’re giving CNN about 20 more minutes before unveiling their inevitable “Suicide Blonde” coverage graphic:
From this morning’s episode of The View: “If I have to see Anna Nicole Smith one more time on television…” Sorry Rosie. It’s going to be a long week. Great impression of Anna Nicole slurring, though!
We’re still coming to terms with the death of Anna Nicole Smith. But while our brains are trying to wrap around the news, a small part of us is also thinking “Wonder what Clint Eastwood thinks about all this?” Here is the first awkward moment of the Anna Nicole Smith death coverage. Stay tuned for many more.
When Anna Nicole Smith collapsed earlier today, gossip bloggers did what they do best: they snarkily ripped her a new one. But now, in light of the news that Anna passed away, a few of them probably feel a teensy bit bad about what they said. We’re not going to point fingers and say who said what, but here are a couple of quotes from around the blogosphere that the authors would probably like to take back. “Place your bets now, folks. Overdose? Cry for attention? Suicide attempt? My money is on the bid for attention. Whatever the case may be, I am sure we will get the very latest tonight (and every other night for the rest of the month) on ‘The Insider’ and ‘Entertainment Tonight.'” “I’m sick of seeing her doped up ass on “The Insider!” If they are going to insist on interviewing her about everything, they should at least use captions. I can hardly understand what her slurred-ass is saying!” “Something tells me that Anna Nicole Smith’s collapse is nothing more than a smokescreen. Isn’t her daughter due for a paternity test soon?” “I probably shouldn’t joke cuz’ if she dies I’ll look like a giant a**hole.” And yes, I’m the guy who made a paternity test joke at 10 o’clock this morning. I need to go take a shower.
There are very few jobs in the world where the news of Anna Nicole Smith‘s death brings people out of their offices and into the hallways to grieve. But that is exactly what happened here at Best Week Ever headquarters only a little while ago, upon learning about the tragic news. Some people chimed in that this was bound to happen, others remarked that it’s probably in the best interests for her little girl. Still, the news caught most of us offguard. Her life was a sad trainwreck, full of legal problems, controversy, and probably substance abuse. In recent times, she faced the unimaginable, witnessing the death of her beloved 20-year-old son Daniel. And while yes, this is a comedy blog, we just want to take a moment to say that we are feeling genuinely upset. Anna Nicole had her problems, but from an entertainment standpoint, she always delivered, from her addictive E! reality show to her slurred Trimspa ads to her slurred awards show speeches… she was always there for us. Now, sadly, her life has come to a tragic end. And, as far as we can tell, no other celebrity can fill her unique void. R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith, 1967-2007. You were one of a kind, and we’ll miss you.