From McSweeneys: Other Long Standing Feuds

In the vein of the “I’m a PC” “I’m a Mac” commercials:

“Hi, I’m Dad’s Root Beer.” “And I’m RC Cola.”

“Hi, I’m the Misfits.” “And I’m Glenn Danzig’s solo career.”

“Hi, I’m buying alcohol.” “And I’m paying rent.”

“Hi, I’m Long Island.” “And I’m New Jersey.”

“Hi, I’m the Internet.” “And I’m Doing Something Productive With My Free Time.”

“Hi, I’m Lactose Intolerance.” “And I’m Lactose Tolerance.”

“Hi, I’m buying alcohol.” “And I’m paying off student loans.”

“Hi, I’m Woody Allen’s 1989 film Crimes and Misdemeanors.” “And I’m Woody Allen’s 2005 film Match Point.”

“Hi, I’m a Mac.” “And I’m a Golden Delicious.”

A few of my own, pulled out of my ass and probably not all that humerous.

“Hi, I’m Alberta” “And I am the somewhat rational, non-bigoted rest of Canada”

“Hi, I’m a Sociology Department” “And I’m reality”

“Hi, I’m the National Student Loan Service Centre” “And I’m not anwering my phone”

“Hi, I’m a Quantie” “And I’m actually talking to people”

“Hi, I’m a Hummer” “Fuck you”

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